你比从前快乐

Taking Risks...

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out to others is to risk involvement.
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas, your dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To hope is to risk despair.
To try is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken,
because the greatest hazard in life is to do nothing.

The person who risks nothing,
does nothing, has nothing, and is nothing.

They may avoid suffering and sorrow,
but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live.

Chained by their attitudes, they are a slave,
they forfeited their freedom.

Only the person who risks can be free

Likings and Love

“[The] human race can only achieve happiness if love reaches its conclusion, and each of us finds his loved one and restores his original nature.”

Plato didn’t intend us to take Aristophanes’ speech too seriously. The historical Aristophanes was a comic poet whom Plato despised. In The Symposium, Plato’s personal views about love are represented by the character Socrates. But despite this, it is Aristophanes’ speech that receives the greatest acclaim, and which has most influenced our contemporary notions of romantic love.

The Myth of Aristophanes finds its modern expression in the concept of the ‘soul-mate’. A soul-mate is someone who is made for us, accepts us just as we are, and somehow makes us complete.



Modern myths

It’s a beautiful and romantic idea, and one that strikes a chord deep within. Many of our best-loved stories are built upon this notion.

Take Ross and Rachel from the US television-series, Friends. How relieved we are when, in the final episode, they finally accept what we have known all along - that they belong together. We know they’ll live happily-ever-after, because… well, because their love is ‘meant to be’.

Or consider the movie, Bridget Jones’s Diary. The heroine, Bridget, is a mass of anxieties and neuroses. But salvation is at hand in the form of human-rights lawyer, Mark Darcy.

“I like you, very much,” says Darcy.

“Ah – apart from the smoking and the drinking, the vulgar mother and the verbal diarrhoea…?” Bridget replies.

“No,” insists Darcy. “I like you very much. Just as you are.”

After this, we know that Bridget has found true love – the kind of love we dream of and long for. Her life will surely be transformed.


The Cold, Hard Truth

Sentiment aside, we know that love isn’t quite so simple.

If Ross and Rachel’s past is anything to go by, their future will have its share of conflict and heartache. And anyone who’s seen the sequel to Bridget Jones’s Diary will know that Bridget’s anxieties and neuroses didn’t simply melt away in Darcy’s warm embrace.

These stories are wonderful entertainment, but they have little to do with love – real love, that is.

There are some things we may reasonably expect from a romantic partner: passion, excitement, companionship, and perhaps even marriage and children. But it is foolish to expect salvation.

Psychologist R. J. Sternberg sums it up neatly: “Some people seek salvation in love, much as other people do in religion, hoping to find in another the perfection they cannot find in themselves… But eventually disillusionment is almost certain to set in. They discover two facts. First, the other person has flaws… Second, no other human can save them - not even the love of their life.”


The Power of Love

This is not to say that I’m sceptical about love.

On the contrary, I agree with the French philosopher, André Comte-Sponville: “Our lives – private and public, domestic and professional – have value only in proportion to the love we invest in them and find in them.”

With so many varieties of love, and so many legitimate objects of love, it is a mistake to focus on one individual.

Love - a four-letter word Love was voted Singapore’s favourite English word. For such a small word, it has a big following! It also has many uses. We use it to describe how we feel towards our husbands and wives, our children, our friends - and even our favourite foods and pastimes.

When philosophers talk about love, they’re usually quick to dismiss statements like: I love chocolate; and I love shopping, eating. In such cases, we are told, the word love is misapplied. What we really mean is that we like these things very much. The discussion then moves swiftly on to ‘genuine’ kinds of love, such as friendship, sexual-attraction, familial affection, and so on.

I find this abrupt dismissal of a whole class of statements about love quite disconcerting. It isn’t that I care very much whether the word love or like is used to describe my feelings towards chocolate. But I can’t help feeling that the word like doesn’t adequately describe what I feel for the movies of Audrey Hepburn, the music of the Bee Gees or the beauty of the night sky.


C. S. Lewis: Likings and Loves

The philosopher, theologian and writer, C. S. Lewis (1898-1963), author of The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, felt the same way. In his 1960 book, The Four Loves, he devotes an entire chapter to: Likings and Loves for the Sub-human.

According to him, when we say we like/love chocolate or shopping, we mean that we take pleasure in them. Now, pleasures can be divided into two groups: those that are preceded by desire, and those that are not.

A glass of water is an example of the first type. When you are thirsty, a glass of water is a very great pleasure. But, as Lewis points out, no-one ever pours themselves a glass of water ‘just for the fun of the thing’.

An example of a pleasure not preceded by desire would be the fragrance of flowers meeting you unexpectedly on your morning walk. “You were in want of nothing, completely contented before it,” writes Lewis. “The pleasure, which may be very great, is an unsolicited, super-added gift.”

Lewis labels these contrasting types of pleasures: Need-pleasures and Pleasures of Appreciation.

It is characteristic of Need-pleasures that they very quickly die on us. A glass of water is very appealing when we are thirsty, but becomes a matter of indifference once we have drunk. The pleasure lasts no longer than the need.

Pleasures of Appreciation are very different. The pleasure we take in the smell of flowers, the beauty of the stars or a Mozart symphony seems somehow to take us outside ourselves. We feel that: “Something has not merely gratified our senses… but claimed our appreciation by right.”

There is even a glimmer of unselfishness about pleasures of appreciation.

“In the appreciative pleasures… we get something we can hardly help calling love and hardly help calling disinterested [i.e. unselfish].”
(C. S. Lewis)


Whom Are the Ones who cares?

I quoted André Comte-Sponville: “Our lives… have value only in proportion to the love we invest in them and find in them.” Because it encapsulates something very important: love gives value to our lives.

This is why we all have spent time justifying the use of the word love to describe our feelings towards the things/objects or people in our life. I don’t wish to dismiss these things as mere likings, because they bring tremendous value to my life.

It will take us a long time or years to really, really appreciate them. But the effort would be worthwhile. After all, love takes work.

Not all readers will share my love of Hepburn, The Bee Gees and philosophy. Some will gain appreciative pleasure from Mozart’s symphonies, fine Indian-cooking, or the footballing artistry of Wayne Rooney. In my view, they can all be objects of love, because they all bring real value to our lives.

Bollywood Party

As the title of this post suggest, we organized a Bollywood Party at 105 Munro street. and then we invited all our friends over for one motive: to have one helluva good time!



we had nachos... curry...

samosas, home-made.

provided bangles, henna, bindi and bollywood names for the party.

look at the setup and it spells one thing: professional partying!

this guy was the most original in dressing for the party.


marjo getting her groove on for the party





DJ Bhups! (just kiddin')



the party went on... into the night.

introducing DJ Stefan!






that's all folks!

Gift of Sharing

Here are the best talks from TED.
They cover different themes and talk about different topics, but most importantly, they set us to Think, Feel and Experience the World around us, and then back to our own individuality.

Please take the time to watch all of them. I would advice that before watching, keep a blank and clear mind; and in the course of watching, use your heart, soul and mind to really Listen, Understand and Think. Thank you and enjoy.

TED

I had a chance to come across a very useful website that might improve the lives of all individuals, in many ways unimaginable, depending on how we perceive and view it.

Let me introduce, TED.

TED stands for Technology, Entertainment, Design. It started out (in 1984) as a conference bringing together people from those three worlds. Since then its scope has become ever broader. The annual conference now brings together the world's most fascinating thinkers and doers, who are challenged to give the talk of their lives (in 18 minutes).

This site makes the best talks and performances from TED available to the public, for free. More than 200 talks are now available, with more added each week.

Their mission: Spreading ideas.

"We believe passionately in the power of ideas to change attitudes, lives and ultimately, the world. So we're building here a clearinghouse that offers free knowledge and inspiration from the world's most inspired thinkers, and also a community of curious souls to engage with ideas and each other."

And so a particular talk caught my eye, and i find it most compelling to share.

About this talk
What is happiness, and how can we all get some? Biochemist turned Buddhist monk Matthieu Ricard says we can train our minds in habits of well-being, to generate a true sense of serenity and fulfillment.

Why you should listen to him
After training in biochemistry at the Institute Pasteur, Matthieu Ricard left science behind to move to the Himalayas and become a Buddhist monk -- and to pursue happiness, both at a basic human level and as a subject of inquiry. Achieving happiness, he has come to believe, requires the same kind of effort and mind training that any other serious pursuit involves.

Matthieu Ricard: Habits of happiness

改变

伴侣说：“ 我愿意为你而改变。”

说这句话，很多时候未免太不负责任。因为谁也不可能为谁改变。

为 一个人改变，并不是什么感人肺腑的承诺，大多只是一种甜言蜜语而已。我们自己反省，我们到底有多少时候能真正放下一些跟着自己一辈子的习性或抛开自己本有 的性格， 然后说自己改变了？ 如果有了爱情，就可以改变；那麽，很多情侣根本不用分手。 往往，我们只能把自己的生活随着周围环境的不同变化而转变， 但不可能百分百改变自己的性格。一个人若要改变个性，不是一朝一夕的事。

我们跟另一半相恋，受他影响，同时因为爱他，你反省自己的人生 观，行为，习惯和价值观；你从他身上看到一番新天地，是你从前看不见的。 你在他身上学到一些品质，是你本来没有的。你从他身上学会了人情事故，你学会了关心别人，学会了追求知识；你学会了上进，你学会了不去伤害一个爱你的人， 你学会去珍惜。 你本来是一个空杯子，现在载了大半杯水，你的世界和视野都不同了，也因此，你的价值观，待人接物，你的智慧，都跟从前不同了。 你没有改变，依然是一只杯，只是载了水。 你并不是刻意为他改变而改变，你只是长大了。人大了，自然会转变，你没为谁改变。

One of the many equations we need to know

Life, the way you want it to be + Money = Freedom


~"It's the freedom that money buys".

放下

曰：“世间人谤我，欺我，辱我，笑我，轻我，贱我，骗我，如何处治乎？”

云：“只是忍他，让他，由他，避他，耐他，敬他，不要理他，再待几年，你且看他？”


放下的真意是悟，是去迷转悟。放下是手段，目的是正见正知。单纯追求放下，为放下而放下，这是一种迷，一种执著。善于调整才是我们该有的态度，该坚持的坚持，该放下的放下。很多时候求之不得，不如放下。放下是一种坦然，不是无奈不是放弃，这是一种境界。

佛教所說的「放下」，最重的意思是教你不需做無謂的耽心及掛心，但是要做有必要的關心。「關心」和「掛心」不同，有益的關心要保持，無益的掛心要捨去，因為它不但對事情沒幫助，而且會敗事。

如果沒辦法解決怎麼辦？

那只好面對這個現實。再重新檢討一次為什麼會這樣？所谓關心和掛心不同，比如欠一萬塊，只有幾條路可以走而已：借錢、典當、想辦法週轉，只有這幾種方法而已。這麼想是對事情有幫助的。但是多餘的掛心，像焦慮，發脾氣，這些和解决有關係嗎？但是你還是會發脾氣，還是會罵人，心情壞嘛！有的人甚至借酒澆愁，這些对解决问题都沒有關係。所以要分清楚，人總是要面對現實，關心再變成掛心對事情一點幫助都沒有。到時只是自找麻煩。所以我們能学的就是：一件事情做就做了，该发生也已经发生了，掛心是多餘的。所以放下並不是放下一件件事情，是要你放下「我執」。當你放下我執時，掛心就消失，變成關心。

放下，是一种大度，是一种彻悟，是一种灵性。
放下并不意味着放弃，放下只是暂时的缓解。
放下能令我们从容应付，自然随意。放下能让我们天马行空，平和恬淡。
当我们放下，轻装上路，开始新的生活，寻找人生另一份生活空间时，生活也许就在我们放下某些东西的同时，已经悄然改变。生活从此不再被套牢。放下一次沉痛的打击，死地后生，我们就不会被生活轻易打倒。

一个垂钓者钓失了一天的光阴后，却一无所获，于是片刻的沮丧后，他依然一路欢歌。其实放下失意就是最大的收获和快乐。
一名农夫，眼见自己即将丰收的庄稼毁于一场洪水，颗粒无收时，他收起了绝望，重又拾起了草帽和锄头，种上来年的希望。其实放下绝望，何尝不是一种希望的重生。
一个拾荒者，拾了几十年的破烂，日子就在平平淡淡中走过，他们也奢望生活得殷实和富足，但他们带着世人的鄙夷和蔑视，放下了很多，在平凡平淡中拾起了自己的自信和对新生活的向往。

Delightful Weekend

first, i absolutely have to introduce this. amazingly tasty. so cheesy, so citrusy, so thick, so creamy, it just tastes better than the real thing. if anyone of you come across this in SG, just buy it and then enjoy at home. i'm gonna collect all the empty tubs to see how many of them i'll consume in a year. i'm into the 3rd tub now.

all right... the weekend started with a trip to DFO, direct factory outlet. 1st stop is to go Toowong to catch a train; the train leaving was at 11:55 and i was there at about 11:25. hence with the time to spare, i went to Kmart for a browse. and i found chocolate.

toblerone to be exact. just look at the size of it. that's 2 stacked up vertically.


it was on SALE.


and it comes with a pre-purchase warning label.


so... this is the way you consume it.


5 mins prior to arrival of train, waiting...



蓝蓝的天，白白的云。。。


sucha sunny day.


ok this is the male version of 自恋 in the dressing room. didn't buy it thou.

1. LOVE: Made for Each Other?

“When a… person…meets that very person who is his other half, he is overwhelmed… with affection, concern and love. The two don’t want to spend any time apart.”
(Aristophanes, from Plato’s Symposium.)

The Myth of Aristophanes

Long ago, says Aristophanes, the human-race was very different than it is today. Each person was shaped like a ball - with two rounded backs, four arms, four legs, two sets of genitals and two heads. Back then, humans were powerful and proud. So much so, that they attempted to overthrow the gods. As a punishment, Zeus sliced each of them in half, making the kind of individuals we see today. What we now experience as erotic love is really the desire to be re-united with our other halves and made whole again.